Tuesday, January 29, 2008

The Month in Rewind

It's hard to even rewind this month because it feels like it has completely flown by! However, I'm just getting over a really bad cold just in time to close out this month and to also continue what is seemingly becoming therapeutic for me. I mean, what do I say about what I've learned this month?

  • One thing for sure is that the more things change, truly, the more they stay the same. As my changes have been coming, I've had to realize that who I see everyday in the mirror isn't going to change. My ways of thinking and being is where my change lies.
  • Oh remember my previous post? Well, he spoke..
  • I am even more grateful for good health now. I dealt with a horrible cold for several days and dealt with it in my home alone. I had a few people offer to bring me something but no genuine vibe as if they really wanted to do it and that's fine. No one is/was obligated. So I did my best. As I layed there miserable most nights, a spirit of gratefulness was all up and through my place as I realized that the car in the garage nor the new eyeglasses could will me back to health nor stop me from falling further. Perspective checked!
  • (On a lighter note) Granny from the show The Beverly Hillbillies is hilarious! If you pay attention to what she says and her actions and just her demeanor, you'll get it! LOL Love her!
  • Also, no matter how bored I get at home, when it is -30 degrees outside, STAY MY BUTT out of the club and in the house!
  • Is it just me or do you just want to run out to SAM's or Kroger and send the little African girls a few boxes of tampons and maxi pads so they won't get behind in their classes? Like, seriously.

I'm still feeling good about this year. I've already had some obstacles but they're gonna be..

I end this month in rewind with the song "Retrospect for Life" by Common. Although the song is of him talking to "reponsibility" which is his unborn child and mother of that unborn child, I dedicate it to myself. I have to apologize to myself for the way that I've been treating me. I normally think of me, myself and I as a team. We always listen to each other and make unanimous decisions. We've been pulling in three different directions, giving more than we've had to give, trying to fit into spaces and places not meant and settling for less than we need, want or should take.

My retrospect for life is...GI do your own thing again. Reembrace that uniquness that makes you YOU. Remember that your program has been set before any and everyone entered or exited your world. Work with your own tools. The most important thing GI, is that you don't forget to remember to SHOW up for YOU in YOUR life! Don't you ever leave you again!

I look forward to what the next month has in store! You just never know the possibilities!

Sunday, January 13, 2008

I'm Listening...

The present has been a peculiar time in my life. I'm only 13 days into this year and I can truly feel that urgency to make things count this year. Along with this feeling has been quite a bit of restlessness. I've been going to bed extremely late and I realize that it is beyond just having my body on a particular schedule. When I'm up, my mind is inundated with thoughts....thoughts that keep me awake even if I put forth my best effort for sleep. There's more to this. My heart is heavy. Many times we hear that phrase and think of it as just a figure of speech. My heavy heart is a figure of reality. I have been finding myself wanting to cry at random whenever the heaviness at heart spikes but not doing it because I'm in class or sitting across the table from a friend at dinner. Two posts ago, there was something inside so strong that I am sure was thrusting me forward....but what is this?

Then it hit me so perfectly. My mind began to wander back at home in the deep woods of South Carolina to individuals such as my grandmothers and grandfathers and on back. Did they ever feel this way? I was on youtube looking up videos of Tata Vega, who was the singing voice of Shug Avery in The Color Purple and who's voice I love so much. So I clicked a link and a video popped up......the words....

"Can't sleep at night and you wonder why, maybe God is trying to tell you something....cry all night long...something has gone wrong...maybe God is trying to tell you something..."

All I can say is "wow!". No. There's not an answer in that but it's just the message that I believe was sent to me through those words. I've been a spiritual person ever since I can remember myself and I am used to the more traditional and boldly simple ways of interacting with God. Living here in Atlanta and having my aspirations increase 100 fold and getting into a more high-minded way of being that's far from my southern "simple-way" type roots, I'll admit that I've drifted away from my more grounded spiritual foundation, however, with whatever it is that's plaguing me, I feel like I'm being brought back to that. There is trouble in my spirit....

The song says:

"I was so blind, I was so lost....until you spoke to me"

As this song continues to play in my background and I continue to be in this pensive and vulnerable but receptive state, I shift my dependency on the one thing that I have known to be true for my own life.

I humbly say...Speak to me Lord.....I'm listening....

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Hopeless Type of Loving...

I sit here listening to the rain beat against my window under the sounds of my beloved Anita, seemingly beckoning the universe of lovers to believe...believe in the mystery of love. I've been under a great bit of nostalgia this week. It seems that I've been uncontrollably missing certain people from my past....people that I had love for. Or is it that I'm missing the feeling itself? Ok so I'll be honest and say that I'm actually missing someONE at the moment. I feel so reluctant to even admit it to myself because I promised myself that I would not drag any dead-weight across the thresh-hold of 2008...especially nothing concerning love-gone-wrong situations.

I don't fall in love often but when I do, it takes forever and a day for the residue to fade and even then, does it really? I pride myself on being the poster child of "No More Drama" and "No Nonsense" type attitudes but at my strongest moments, I find that I'm at my weakest. Although it is strange, I completely understand my way of loving. It's beyond dangerous....it's hopeless...

"Diamonds shining in the night, lying soft and warm together...only images survive, can't my dreams go on forever?"

Why is it possible that I'm still in love after almost a year of no love?

"Turning back the hands of time, holding on to misty memories, chasing shadows through the night trying to find my happy ending.."

With these feelings so strong exuding from my being, can you honestly say that in spirit you don't feel it? When I send them to you every night in spirit? Through prayer? Through mind, body, spirit and time?

What is this hopeless type of loving? If I can believe in the mystery, why can't you?

"Tell me why can't we reach for another chance at heaven? We could still find the way if we try.."

Wait a minute! Dang.....there I go talking to you again...

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Something Inside So Strong

I sit here listening to "Something Inside So Strong" by Vanessa Bell-Armstrong with the exact same feeling. Have you ever felt so full of hope and possibility that you just wanted to take off running? It's almost as if you'll explode. I feel really good about this year. There is a lot that I want to accomplish before this year's end...things that are not only set goals but will also change my life in one way or another forever.

I can literally feel myself moving along this ever-growing journey of life, getting stronger and wiser. In my young life, I have been in many uncomfortable and seemingly hopeless situations, whether it be real or imagined. However, in retrospect....I understand the principle that all things work together. There are still many situations in my life in which the purpose has yet to be revealed but these things made me into who I am and yet to become. It's been rough but somehow there's something inside so strong that tells me that I can make it....I can take it.

This is a beautiful time for me because this is a season in which I believe God has called me to truly elevate my life and think outside the box. I have thoughts, emotions and a perspective of life that I've never had before. There's something inside so strong that tells me that this is the dawning in time for those great things imparted to me to be brought into manifestation. Adding to this, I heard Kirk Franklin say something that was so powerful to me. He said..."It's so hard because the purpose is so great!"

I don't type this blog in any shape or form of despair. I type this blog in love, hope, optimism and possibility. I live in the space of possibility. Now....it is up to me to do the footwork. As I've heard a friend of mine say casually in conversation, "God can't drive a parked car!" I want to take this saying to the next level. God can drive a parked car but he won't drive a parked car. Faith without works is dead.

I know that I can make it. What a time this is going to be! God......take the wheel.

Friday, January 4, 2008

My Wish List for January

Ok, so it is no secret that I like "things" and not just anything but "nice things". My wish list is composed of things that I think would just be great to have! So, what made my list this month?

Apple iMac Retail value $1199 - $2299

All I'm going to say is....go to your nearest Apple store and check it out!

Next on the list....

Gucci Black Suede Oversized Travel Tote Retail value $2365.00

I mean....need I say more? This takes "carry-on bag" to the next level. As a matter of fact, this "carry-on bag" is so hot that they probably wouldn't even let me carry it on!

Moving on...

2008 Mercedes Benz GL550 MSRP $77,750

Ok, I'm a fan of quite a few luxury SUV's but after taking a ride in this vehicle, it's clear. This is the SUV for 2008. This automobile rides so smoothly and luxuriously that I thought I was riding in a car. There was minimum interior vibration or movement even at interstate speeds. It felt like the vehicle was parked. I don't even want to get on the technology.

What's next?

The Beyonce Experience Live DVD Retail value $12.99

I will never miss another Beyonce concert held in Atlanta after seeing this DVD. The performances were extremely entertaining and full of energy. This DVD gets played once a week in my house.

Moving on...

Barefoot Dreams® CozyChic™ Robe Retail value $140.00

If only you could feel how heavy and soft this robe is. With these drastic temperatures, this garment has more than enough to keep you warm.


January 2008 Issue of Essence Magazine

If you are one of those individuals, like myself, who has made the decision to reposition your life for this new year then this issue of Essence is for you. Even if you're only considering the repositioning of your life, this month's issue is a great read and will leave you inspired to take the steps needed to getting the life you want and deserve.

The Purpose

Hello blog world. I was sitting around thinking of different ways to kick off my first blog post. My choice was going to be a short video containing live footage of a UFO. Yes, a bit weird for a first post but nevertheless interesting. Anyway, I just wanted to take the opportunity to state my purpose for this blog. Many individuals use their blogs in various ways but I am choosing to use my blog as a way of expressing any and every little thing that goes on in my little brain. It is going to be the platform used to express how the world is viewed through my eyes. If this is something that you've always wanted to know, for those of you that know me, then this is the "r'vealing" moment. For those of you who don't know me, you're definitely about to! Well...at least what I want you to know! This is going to be fun! Let's do it!