What a wonderful Saturday. It is one of those days in Atlanta that reminds me that there is no other place on earth I'd rather be. Today I am reminded of how much prayer can change things. It would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge the fact that last weekend this time, I was not feeling the way I feel right now. I continued to pray and I must say that the father answered. Not necessarily by changing the situations but by lifting me on the inside. I've been raised above it all. I've got to continue praying, of course, to keep myself lifted.
Something else that has also caused a lift is the fact that the person that I've blogged about many times before has recently been sorta present in my life. You know the one I'm talking about....my "Mr. Big". We'll call him CocoTwists. Well I can't really elaborate on much right now but last night I had the opportunity to bring his birthday in with him. It was such a wonderful evening. I am still misty from the experience. So that explains the music and about 49% of my lifted mood. I'm trying not to let my already rising emotions get too high. I mean, he's not new to me but somehow, something seems different this time. We'll see. I am so full, almost to the point to where I can't catch my breath. Oh well, I'll be raptured off for the rest of the day.
I didn't attend church services today but I've still gotten my dose of inspiration. The video below is the source of that inspiration. The song "Peace Be Still". Just the title alone is profound enough. I want to thank all of you for visiting my blog and giving me feedback even in some of my darkest posts. I know that I haven't posted much on anyone else's blog lately and I do beg your forgiveness for it. However, I have been using this blog as more of a personal journal for my reflections. This is my birthday month and every year around this time I go through the growing pains of a changing season. That's what my birthdays represent to me, a change of seasons. My recent posts have spoken to that fact.
Once again, thank you for even taking the time to check me out and in this seasonal change, I hope that I can maybe reach someone else who may be in that place in their life. If you don't know what I'm talking about or what this is all about, keep on living.
I hope you would take the time to check out the video with Vanessa ministering in this song "Peace Be Still".
Song highlights for me:
"Whether the wrath of the storm-tossed sea, or demons, or men or whatever it be...no water can swallow the ship where lies the master of ocean, and earth and skies. They ALL shall so sweetly obey thy will."
My inspiration comes from knowing that when I, you, we go down in honest prayer, we can get up with a reassurance that he's going to be who he is. I'm talking about just knowing that no matter how we feel, everything has to obey HIS will. No matter how big or how small. Let's not fool ourselves, when the storms rage, it takes more than cute words to really pull you through but I'm talking about when you get in a situation where there isn't anyone else to depend on but him and what he said. That's when the rubber meets the road. I don't care what I've done or what I've said, I know who keeps my foundation in tact.
So, I hope you all have a blessed week and no matter what may come up or has come up this week, let's believe together that he can "turn it around."
Today's post is mostly like a personal journal entry for me. It's one of those days for me. I got in from my second day as an intern about an hour ago and boy am I tired. No this internship is not in the legal field but it is valuable experience to be added to my resume. Oh and it's unpaid. This is my first time ever working without being paid and I must say that it is so weird. So what's the point of this post? Basically people, today is one of my weary days.
I look around at my life and yes I'm almost finished with this degree and yes my grades are good and yes I was blessed to get an internship of some sort but..I'm tired. I'm beginning to get back to my more spiritual/divine approach to things now where I find myself talking to God more than ever these days. So therefore in my current situation I've been talking to God and trying to look beyond what it looks like because I know that he has the power to stand in the gaps and turn things around. So this isn't meant to be a long post but it's something that I wanted to put in the atmosphere.I am in a tight place in my life. It's that place that's in between where I used to be and where I'm going. What makes it so critical is that I've fallen tired in the midst of my tight place. So as a more personal blog today, I send this posting and the song up as another form of expression to my creator..knowing where MY help is coming from. Goodness knows I'm needing him right now.
Ok, just so you know, I have no clue of what's going on with the layout of my blog. I've fiddled with the layout and it didn't change anything so...I don't know.
Anyway...I wanted to blog tonight but had no clue of what to talk about. I mean, I'm not at all out of something that I can talk about. This heart and mind of mine is so full on wonders and sweet mistiness. I mean, what can I say? I'm such a "lovely" guy...in the sense of being love and affection inspired. In the past I haven't embraced this characteristic of myself proudly but now I do. It's apart of me and I love it. Being able to listen to love music and pull meaning and feeling out of it and not have a soul to love...are you kidding me? It's heaven. Sometimes.....and at times it is so intoxicating that I almost buckle from all of the unshared emotions, which says to me that all this love needs to be given.
Another thing that I've been coming to grips with lately is the fact that I'm still in love with my....I guess you can say "ex". He's no longer in my life in that way so I guess he is an ex. You know, this very thing that has caused me a lot of depression and wondering why I still thought about him and pleading with my heart to let him go has become something different for me. My reason is because I understand what he and that situation meant to me. This man stood in the gaps of many places in my life. Although his time in my life was brief, for that moment in time, he was mine. I'm not ashamed to admit that this man made me better. Bump all of the "Well you need to be this or that alone first and theeeeen..." Bolony! And I'm speaking for my OWN life, I can't imagine not having a "need" or being a fulfillment of a need for the love of my life. As human beings, love is key. I now understand why, in my continued single season, my heart won't loose its grasp on him. It simply won't until the next "love" comes along that's equal to or greater than what is currently in its fisted glove. And...I've gotta say...that I'm ok with that. I can't say that I'm in his thoughts or that he isn't giving the love that I wanted to someone else at this very moment but I can say that the purpose he served in life really raised the standard. To know what it looks like and what it feels like......and just to know that I didn't even make it to the deep end. I can only imagine what that end holds for me.
