I'm Listening...

The present has been a peculiar time in my life. I'm only 13 days into this year and I can truly feel that urgency to make things count this year. Along with this feeling has been quite a bit of restlessness. I've been going to bed extremely late and I realize that it is beyond just having my body on a particular schedule. When I'm up, my mind is inundated with thoughts....thoughts that keep me awake even if I put forth my best effort for sleep. There's more to this. My heart is heavy. Many times we hear that phrase and think of it as just a figure of speech. My heavy heart is a figure of reality. I have been finding myself wanting to cry at random whenever the heaviness at heart spikes but not doing it because I'm in class or sitting across the table from a friend at dinner. Two posts ago, there was something inside so strong that I am sure was thrusting me forward....but what is this?

Then it hit me so perfectly. My mind began to wander back at home in the deep woods of South Carolina to individuals such as my grandmothers and grandfathers and on back. Did they ever feel this way? I was on youtube looking up videos of Tata Vega, who was the singing voice of Shug Avery in The Color Purple and who's voice I love so much. So I clicked a link and a video popped up......the words....

"Can't sleep at night and you wonder why, maybe God is trying to tell you something....cry all night long...something has gone wrong...maybe God is trying to tell you something..."

All I can say is "wow!". No. There's not an answer in that but it's just the message that I believe was sent to me through those words. I've been a spiritual person ever since I can remember myself and I am used to the more traditional and boldly simple ways of interacting with God. Living here in Atlanta and having my aspirations increase 100 fold and getting into a more high-minded way of being that's far from my southern "simple-way" type roots, I'll admit that I've drifted away from my more grounded spiritual foundation, however, with whatever it is that's plaguing me, I feel like I'm being brought back to that. There is trouble in my spirit....

The song says:

"I was so blind, I was so lost....until you spoke to me"

As this song continues to play in my background and I continue to be in this pensive and vulnerable but receptive state, I shift my dependency on the one thing that I have known to be true for my own life.

I humbly say...Speak to me Lord.....I'm listening....