I'm a person who talks to himself. No..I really talk to myself as if I'm having a conversation with another individual. In many ways it is very therapeutic for me because instead of my thoughts being bounce around from one corner of my mind to the next, it allows me to actually hear what's going on with me from me. Anyway, my cousin and I were having the conversation about knowing who we are and being who we are. Now, I've had this conversation with myself many times and I think that I have done a good job paying close attention to myself and learning more about myself as I forever grow and evolve. The thing though, and I am speaking from my perspective, I think that many forget to remember themselves after awhile. After we've chanted the mantra "Take Me As I Am!" and sung the song and lived in it and stood in it..somehow that day when we stopped chanting it for what was only supposed to be 10 min, retired the song for a day, removed our life from it for a moment or stepped out of it just for that one second, it somehow slipped to the back of the shelf as things constantly came in. I know that this is something that I truly happened to me. I forgot to remember myself. That phone conversation brought it all back home and I was just like.."Wow..I actually forgot to myself." The good thing is that now I'm on the road to get it back on track.
After my last post, I really began to analyze what I posted and the way that I see things. At first I said to myself, "Maybe you shouldn't have made such a post. It didn't reflect the very best of you." I thought about it some more and then it came to me as clear as a bell. That was ME. That was my venting session. That was what I was feeling at the time and to an extent still feel. Then the realization of why I felt this way came forth. The way that I express myself, the way that I see the world has all been shaped and molded from the way that I was raised and the environment in which I was raised. My cousin and I say all the time how hard it is to remove the negative residue of where you come from, especially when that residue comes in the form of family members. That's not exactly something that you can rid yourself of such as the tossing of a piece of paper. I always knew on some level subconsciously that these things factored into why I am the way I am now but never took the time to truly own it. I look at individuals whom I've encountered who grew up in very different places, around very different type people and I notice how we differ. We may have the same overall goals in common but the elements of the journey towards those goals are where we differ the most. We are just different people from different elements and I respect that.
This past weekend I was with a few friends having an enjoyable time chit-chatting. They all had their drinks and I had my signature non-alcoholic beverage. It's always so funny to me because they always tease me about not drinking and I tease back about peer-pressure. One guy at the table who was sitting next to me and whom I did not know got into a little side discussion with me about why I don't drink and for the first time I actually elaborated to him all of why I'm not a drinker. I basically explained that aside from me not having the taste for it, I grew up around a lot of excessive drinking and I never personally felt like it was a habit that I wanted to adopt so I held true to that standard for myself. He said..."Oh ok. I understand." And it felt good because I owned it. That example immediately came to me as my cousin and I were talking today.
The moral of this post is this, today is a day that I remember to remember myself and all of who I am as a person. I own it all today and it feels good because I'm truly at a point in my life where I can take it or leave it and that is also my style in my offerings of "me" to others. I've gotta be honest, I love the hell out of being who I have become, being who I am and who I'm becoming. It took so much prayer, trials, growth and work to get to where I am right now with myself. That's why I was so passionate in my last post with all the venting because anything that I perceive as a threat to my destiny and my full potential is no good and it has to be removed from my system. I am such a blessed young man and I love life but when I make such heavy posts, it is not to wallow in sorrow and mess but it's just me telling my story from the position in which I stand in the world. Stories change, characters change, seasons change. I'm opening myself up for this next change. I respect myself and I accept myself as well as I respect others but I ONLY accept others up until the point where it affects me negatively in any way. You know why? Because I've got that right!
Happy Monday! Do you!
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