Tender Saturday

What a wonderful Saturday. It is one of those days in Atlanta that reminds me that there is no other place on earth I'd rather be. Today I am reminded of how much prayer can change things. It would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge the fact that last weekend this time, I was not feeling the way I feel right now. I continued to pray and I must say that the father answered. Not necessarily by changing the situations but by lifting me on the inside. I've been raised above it all. I've got to continue praying, of course, to keep myself lifted.

Something else that has also caused a lift is the fact that the person that I've blogged about many times before has recently been sorta present in my life. You know the one I'm talking about....my "Mr. Big". We'll call him CocoTwists. Well I can't really elaborate on much right now but last night I had the opportunity to bring his birthday in with him. It was such a wonderful evening. I am still misty from the experience. So that explains the music and about 49% of my lifted mood. I'm trying not to let my already rising emotions get too high. I mean, he's not new to me but somehow, something seems different this time. We'll see. I am so full, almost to the point to where I can't catch my breath. Oh well, I'll be raptured off for the rest of the day.

Hope you're having a good one.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Sunday Inspiration

I didn't attend church services today but I've still gotten my dose of inspiration. The video below is the source of that inspiration. The song "Peace Be Still". Just the title alone is profound enough. I want to thank all of you for visiting my blog and giving me feedback even in some of my darkest posts. I know that I haven't posted much on anyone else's blog lately and I do beg your forgiveness for it. However, I have been using this blog as more of a personal journal for my reflections. This is my birthday month and every year around this time I go through the growing pains of a changing season. That's what my birthdays represent to me, a change of seasons. My recent posts have spoken to that fact.

Once again, thank you for even taking the time to check me out and in this seasonal change, I hope that I can maybe reach someone else who may be in that place in their life. If you don't know what I'm talking about or what this is all about, keep on living.

I hope you would take the time to check out the video with Vanessa ministering in this song "Peace Be Still".

Song highlights for me:

"Whether the wrath of the storm-tossed sea, or demons, or men or whatever it be...no water can swallow the ship where lies the master of ocean, and earth and skies. They ALL shall so sweetly obey thy will."

My inspiration comes from knowing that when I, you, we go down in honest prayer, we can get up with a reassurance that he's going to be who he is. I'm talking about just knowing that no matter how we feel, everything has to obey HIS will. No matter how big or how small. Let's not fool ourselves, when the storms rage, it takes more than cute words to really pull you through but I'm talking about when you get in a situation where there isn't anyone else to depend on but him and what he said. That's when the rubber meets the road. I don't care what I've done or what I've said, I know who keeps my foundation in tact.

So, I hope you all have a blessed week and no matter what may come up or has come up this week, let's believe together that he can "turn it around."

Vanessa Bell-Armstrong- Peace Be Still

Seeking

Today's post is mostly like a personal journal entry for me. It's one of those days for me. I got in from my second day as an intern about an hour ago and boy am I tired. No this internship is not in the legal field but it is valuable experience to be added to my resume. Oh and it's unpaid. This is my first time ever working without being paid and I must say that it is so weird. So what's the point of this post? Basically people, today is one of my weary days.

I look around at my life and yes I'm almost finished with this degree and yes my grades are good and yes I was blessed to get an internship of some sort but..I'm tired. I'm beginning to get back to my more spiritual/divine approach to things now where I find myself talking to God more than ever these days. So therefore in my current situation I've been talking to God and trying to look beyond what it looks like because I know that he has the power to stand in the gaps and turn things around. So this isn't meant to be a long post but it's something that I wanted to put in the atmosphere.I am in a tight place in my life. It's that place that's in between where I used to be and where I'm going. What makes it so critical is that I've fallen tired in the midst of my tight place. So as a more personal blog today, I send this posting and the song up as another form of expression to my creator..knowing where MY help is coming from. Goodness knows I'm needing him right now.

Love...now that's some power

Ok, just so you know, I have no clue of what's going on with the layout of my blog. I've fiddled with the layout and it didn't change anything so...I don't know.


Anyway...I wanted to blog tonight but had no clue of what to talk about. I mean, I'm not at all out of something that I can talk about. This heart and mind of mine is so full on wonders and sweet mistiness. I mean, what can I say? I'm such a "lovely" guy...in the sense of being love and affection inspired. In the past I haven't embraced this characteristic of myself proudly but now I do. It's apart of me and I love it. Being able to listen to love music and pull meaning and feeling out of it and not have a soul to love...are you kidding me? It's heaven. Sometimes.....and at times it is so intoxicating that I almost buckle from all of the unshared emotions, which says to me that all this love needs to be given.

Another thing that I've been coming to grips with lately is the fact that I'm still in love with my....I guess you can say "ex". He's no longer in my life in that way so I guess he is an ex. You know, this very thing that has caused me a lot of depression and wondering why I still thought about him and pleading with my heart to let him go has become something different for me. My reason is because I understand what he and that situation meant to me. This man stood in the gaps of many places in my life. Although his time in my life was brief, for that moment in time, he was mine. I'm not ashamed to admit that this man made me better. Bump all of the "Well you need to be this or that alone first and theeeeen..." Bolony! And I'm speaking for my OWN life, I can't imagine not having a "need" or being a fulfillment of a need for the love of my life. As human beings, love is key. I now understand why, in my continued single season, my heart won't loose its grasp on him. It simply won't until the next "love" comes along that's equal to or greater than what is currently in its fisted glove. And...I've gotta say...that I'm ok with that. I can't say that I'm in his thoughts or that he isn't giving the love that I wanted to someone else at this very moment but I can say that the purpose he served in life really raised the standard. To know what it looks like and what it feels like......and just to know that I didn't even make it to the deep end. I can only imagine what that end holds for me.

Umm....that's all.

I'm such a love bug...

My Explantation

Have you ever heard a song that gave an explanation of something that you had no words to explain? Today is my FIRST day hearing this song that is playing and it hit me. That's my explanation. I've met many people (dating wise) but none seem to have that thing. Then I get the question a lot of "Why are you single?" and I give the answer, "I'm single by choice.."

A big part of that is true but the last situation, which was over a year ago, released me by circumstance....for whatever reason "he" didn't want it anymore. Now I find myself looking at the many people who have tried with boredom. I've met some really good people but they just didn't have that thing...the "it" factor. I've gotta be honest, I don't think my heart will "move" again until I meet someone who is the equivalent or better than "him". Until then, this song will prove to be my "explanation" of why I'm still single.

I know this song is heavy and on the low side but I'm OWNING my emotions.

"But when I'm with him...ain't nobody else like it..."

Have you ever been there? Are you there?

Real talk..

The War Cry

I'm sure many of you have already heard this new tune that's playing. It's the new single from Monica titled "Still Standing". Words can't even describe how much I'm living in this song right now. I've wanted to get my hands on it since it was featured on her show that aired here in Atlanta. It's like this song could not have been made available to me at a better time. I know that I've been posting back to back with those last posts but the truth of the matter is that I'm really full. I'm full, full, full. In between yesterday and today, I've felt myself being lessened from fullness and in humbleness. Even as I type this, this song just embodies what I'm feeling at the moment as I yet continue to push.

"See this is more than just a song to me.." sums it up...


Great record here though.

Ain't Nobody G BUT G

It is such a great day for me. I woke up early, went to my ortho appointment, left there and had lunch and now back at home about to continue with my studies for school. The part of my day that really spawned this post was a conversation I had with my cousin on my way from lunch.

I'm a person who talks to himself. No..I really talk to myself as if I'm having a conversation with another individual. In many ways it is very therapeutic for me because instead of my thoughts being bounce around from one corner of my mind to the next, it allows me to actually hear what's going on with me from me. Anyway, my cousin and I were having the conversation about knowing who we are and being who we are. Now, I've had this conversation with myself many times and I think that I have done a good job paying close attention to myself and learning more about myself as I forever grow and evolve. The thing though, and I am speaking from my perspective, I think that many forget to remember themselves after awhile. After we've chanted the mantra "Take Me As I Am!" and sung the song and lived in it and stood in it..somehow that day when we stopped chanting it for what was only supposed to be 10 min, retired the song for a day, removed our life from it for a moment or stepped out of it just for that one second, it somehow slipped to the back of the shelf as things constantly came in. I know that this is something that I truly happened to me. I forgot to remember myself. That phone conversation brought it all back home and I was just like.."Wow..I actually forgot to myself." The good thing is that now I'm on the road to get it back on track.

After my last post, I really began to analyze what I posted and the way that I see things. At first I said to myself, "Maybe you shouldn't have made such a post. It didn't reflect the very best of you." I thought about it some more and then it came to me as clear as a bell. That was ME. That was my venting session. That was what I was feeling at the time and to an extent still feel. Then the realization of why I felt this way came forth. The way that I express myself, the way that I see the world has all been shaped and molded from the way that I was raised and the environment in which I was raised. My cousin and I say all the time how hard it is to remove the negative residue of where you come from, especially when that residue comes in the form of family members. That's not exactly something that you can rid yourself of such as the tossing of a piece of paper. I always knew on some level subconsciously that these things factored into why I am the way I am now but never took the time to truly own it. I look at individuals whom I've encountered who grew up in very different places, around very different type people and I notice how we differ. We may have the same overall goals in common but the elements of the journey towards those goals are where we differ the most. We are just different people from different elements and I respect that.

This past weekend I was with a few friends having an enjoyable time chit-chatting. They all had their drinks and I had my signature non-alcoholic beverage. It's always so funny to me because they always tease me about not drinking and I tease back about peer-pressure. One guy at the table who was sitting next to me and whom I did not know got into a little side discussion with me about why I don't drink and for the first time I actually elaborated to him all of why I'm not a drinker. I basically explained that aside from me not having the taste for it, I grew up around a lot of excessive drinking and I never personally felt like it was a habit that I wanted to adopt so I held true to that standard for myself. He said..."Oh ok. I understand." And it felt good because I owned it. That example immediately came to me as my cousin and I were talking today.

The moral of this post is this, today is a day that I remember to remember myself and all of who I am as a person. I own it all today and it feels good because I'm truly at a point in my life where I can take it or leave it and that is also my style in my offerings of "me" to others. I've gotta be honest, I love the hell out of being who I have become, being who I am and who I'm becoming. It took so much prayer, trials, growth and work to get to where I am right now with myself. That's why I was so passionate in my last post with all the venting because anything that I perceive as a threat to my destiny and my full potential is no good and it has to be removed from my system. I am such a blessed young man and I love life but when I make such heavy posts, it is not to wallow in sorrow and mess but it's just me telling my story from the position in which I stand in the world. Stories change, characters change, seasons change. I'm opening myself up for this next change. I respect myself and I accept myself as well as I respect others but I ONLY accept others up until the point where it affects me negatively in any way. You know why? Because I've got that right!

Happy Monday! Do you!