Authenticity

As this beautiful Sunday unfolds, I'm finding that a good bit of revelation has been weaved into the fibers of each minute towards today's benediction. There is one thing that I have said so often in my life, that "energy doesn't lie". Those words consistently prove themselves to me over and over again. I bring this up because lately it seems that events and people around me have been saying out loud, the things that I've been feeling in one shape or another. These confirmations have finally revealed to me that it's not just me, but these energies are indeed being projected with accuracy of the intentions in which they were born. This becomes so impactful to me today because for so long in my life, there has been so much that I have left unsaid. There have been many occasions and still are from time to time, when I have denied my true feelings for the sake of harmony and peace. Truthfully, I thrive in the space of harmony and peace.

However, I was reading over something online today and the word "authentic" was in the text. It jumped out at me before the sentence it was a part of did. I didn't really ponder further on it at the moment, but it still remained close in mind. Then I returned a friend's phone call and through that conversation, it came back to me again and I had a bit of an "Aha!" moment. Through yet another confirmation, the power of the word "authentic" was revealed. I then thought to myself, "Why does it take a confirmation from someone else to validate something you already know?" This was a powerful question because I began to wonder, if I'm not being faithful and true to myself then who the heck am I giving it to and how do they get first dibs on my sentiment before I do? Authenticity, denied.

Just as a random side note in this, I think that people confuse loyalty and authenticity. I don't ever see how denying the best of yourself for the sake of someone or something else is considered loyal, but I digress...or do I?

I believe that a lot of the imbalance I've experienced lately has been a symptom of an inauthentic me. Every time I say something or do something outside of my truth, I can hear my inner voice saying, "Why are you doing this again? Aren't you tired?"

Today I finally answered and said..."Yes"

As each day is given to me in grace, I want to make sure that I exist in truth within every single moment. That truth for me is living in harmony, peace, prosperity and unbounded love. These are the elements that abide at my core. As "la la land" as it sounds, it's true. I'm not what or who many people think I am. Many may have an idea, but only a few know. Either way it goes, I cannot say enough how important it is that all of us find the space of truth in our lives. That place where you're allowed to feel just as you feel without limits or guilt. There is power in the truth and with the power of truth comes freedom.

Feeling worn out, tired, hurt, ashamed, guilty, confused, defeated, unappreciated, sad, angry? Got truth? Hmph!

Ain't Nobody G BUT G

It is such a great day for me. I woke up early, went to my ortho appointment, left there and had lunch and now back at home about to continue with my studies for school. The part of my day that really spawned this post was a conversation I had with my cousin on my way from lunch.

I'm a person who talks to himself. No..I really talk to myself as if I'm having a conversation with another individual. In many ways it is very therapeutic for me because instead of my thoughts being bounce around from one corner of my mind to the next, it allows me to actually hear what's going on with me from me. Anyway, my cousin and I were having the conversation about knowing who we are and being who we are. Now, I've had this conversation with myself many times and I think that I have done a good job paying close attention to myself and learning more about myself as I forever grow and evolve. The thing though, and I am speaking from my perspective, I think that many forget to remember themselves after awhile. After we've chanted the mantra "Take Me As I Am!" and sung the song and lived in it and stood in it..somehow that day when we stopped chanting it for what was only supposed to be 10 min, retired the song for a day, removed our life from it for a moment or stepped out of it just for that one second, it somehow slipped to the back of the shelf as things constantly came in. I know that this is something that I truly happened to me. I forgot to remember myself. That phone conversation brought it all back home and I was just like.."Wow..I actually forgot to myself." The good thing is that now I'm on the road to get it back on track.

After my last post, I really began to analyze what I posted and the way that I see things. At first I said to myself, "Maybe you shouldn't have made such a post. It didn't reflect the very best of you." I thought about it some more and then it came to me as clear as a bell. That was ME. That was my venting session. That was what I was feeling at the time and to an extent still feel. Then the realization of why I felt this way came forth. The way that I express myself, the way that I see the world has all been shaped and molded from the way that I was raised and the environment in which I was raised. My cousin and I say all the time how hard it is to remove the negative residue of where you come from, especially when that residue comes in the form of family members. That's not exactly something that you can rid yourself of such as the tossing of a piece of paper. I always knew on some level subconsciously that these things factored into why I am the way I am now but never took the time to truly own it. I look at individuals whom I've encountered who grew up in very different places, around very different type people and I notice how we differ. We may have the same overall goals in common but the elements of the journey towards those goals are where we differ the most. We are just different people from different elements and I respect that.

This past weekend I was with a few friends having an enjoyable time chit-chatting. They all had their drinks and I had my signature non-alcoholic beverage. It's always so funny to me because they always tease me about not drinking and I tease back about peer-pressure. One guy at the table who was sitting next to me and whom I did not know got into a little side discussion with me about why I don't drink and for the first time I actually elaborated to him all of why I'm not a drinker. I basically explained that aside from me not having the taste for it, I grew up around a lot of excessive drinking and I never personally felt like it was a habit that I wanted to adopt so I held true to that standard for myself. He said..."Oh ok. I understand." And it felt good because I owned it. That example immediately came to me as my cousin and I were talking today.

The moral of this post is this, today is a day that I remember to remember myself and all of who I am as a person. I own it all today and it feels good because I'm truly at a point in my life where I can take it or leave it and that is also my style in my offerings of "me" to others. I've gotta be honest, I love the hell out of being who I have become, being who I am and who I'm becoming. It took so much prayer, trials, growth and work to get to where I am right now with myself. That's why I was so passionate in my last post with all the venting because anything that I perceive as a threat to my destiny and my full potential is no good and it has to be removed from my system. I am such a blessed young man and I love life but when I make such heavy posts, it is not to wallow in sorrow and mess but it's just me telling my story from the position in which I stand in the world. Stories change, characters change, seasons change. I'm opening myself up for this next change. I respect myself and I accept myself as well as I respect others but I ONLY accept others up until the point where it affects me negatively in any way. You know why? Because I've got that right!

Happy Monday! Do you!

The Month in Rewind

~Song Playing - "To Everything There's a Season" - Tamela Mann~

I made it through the second month of this new year and if you're reading this, so did you. How was this month for you? For me, this was a slightly trying month for me. I went through a bout of depression that was quite a "growing" experience for me. I also became very overwhelmed with my "to do" list. But looking back, I know why.

• Looking back over this month, I've learned that there are some things that are just necessary. No matter how you cut it, they're still going to have the same level of importance. Get used to it.
• I realize more than ever that I need to limit how much time I spend talking to and dwelling with slack people. My reasoning is that being around these type individuals, remind me of my own slackness and areas for improvement and I'll never get to the next level if there is no foundation for my anchor, nor reinforcement to help keep it deeply rooted. This train is northern bound.
• In conjunction with my last point, I need to put forth a more profound effort to stop my own slackness. Procrastination and laziness is a killer of my vision and purpose. My focus needs to be redirected.
• I feel myself entering a season of simplicity. I'm all for the "simple things" at this period of my life.
• With dating, sometimes we tell others or we tell ourselves that maybe we should try something different for a change and sometimes it's a good thing. However, it's important to remember that the packaging has nothing to do with the contents. Same script, different cast.
• After some modifications, I reinforce my standards of what I want/need in another individual. That is a lot more than ever before and more than the "street standard". Oh, I'm asking for too much? Guess what? I don't have to accept less. Remember that. I don't play myself small and neither will the next one.
• It is profoundly true that it takes less energy to be nice and kind than it does to walk around all day everyday, hot off the wire. It's not that serious.
• I'm falling in love with The Jefferson's again.

I'm entering a new phase in my life beginning next month. There's a new demand being placed on me to step into some uncharted territory. I nervously accept the challenge. What will this new month bring? What will I learn? How will I grow? Who will I help? Who will I inspire?

We'll see...

I leave with these words from the song "To Everything There's a Season". I type this in reverence of this past month and also where I have yet to go.

"For every tear you cry, there is a reason why. It will make you wise someday. For every mountain high, every valley low. It will all help you to grow."

Let's jump into this new month with a spring of hope and faith for a landing of promise! Go...

The Month in Rewind

It's hard to even rewind this month because it feels like it has completely flown by! However, I'm just getting over a really bad cold just in time to close out this month and to also continue what is seemingly becoming therapeutic for me. I mean, what do I say about what I've learned this month?

• One thing for sure is that the more things change, truly, the more they stay the same. As my changes have been coming, I've had to realize that who I see everyday in the mirror isn't going to change. My ways of thinking and being is where my change lies.
• Oh remember my previous post? Well, he spoke..
• I am even more grateful for good health now. I dealt with a horrible cold for several days and dealt with it in my home alone. I had a few people offer to bring me something but no genuine vibe as if they really wanted to do it and that's fine. No one is/was obligated. So I did my best. As I layed there miserable most nights, a spirit of gratefulness was all up and through my place as I realized that the car in the garage nor the new eyeglasses could will me back to health nor stop me from falling further. Perspective checked!
• (On a lighter note) Granny from the show The Beverly Hillbillies is hilarious! If you pay attention to what she says and her actions and just her demeanor, you'll get it! LOL Love her!
• Also, no matter how bored I get at home, when it is -30 degrees outside, STAY MY BUTT out of the club and in the house!
• Is it just me or do you just want to run out to SAM's or Kroger and send the little African girls a few boxes of tampons and maxi pads so they won't get behind in their classes? Like, seriously.

I'm still feeling good about this year. I've already had some obstacles but they're gonna be..

I end this month in rewind with the song "Retrospect for Life" by Common. Although the song is of him talking to "reponsibility" which is his unborn child and mother of that unborn child, I dedicate it to myself. I have to apologize to myself for the way that I've been treating me. I normally think of me, myself and I as a team. We always listen to each other and make unanimous decisions. We've been pulling in three different directions, giving more than we've had to give, trying to fit into spaces and places not meant and settling for less than we need, want or should take.

My retrospect for life is...GI do your own thing again. Reembrace that uniquness that makes you YOU. Remember that your program has been set before any and everyone entered or exited your world. Work with your own tools. The most important thing GI, is that you don't forget to remember to SHOW up for YOU in YOUR life! Don't you ever leave you again!

I look forward to what the next month has in store! You just never know the possibilities!