The month is almost over already and this is only my second post of the month. I've had a lot going on and did not feel genuinely inspired to blog over these past weeks. For the past few days though, I've been feeling my blog gears turning again from the changes that have been happening around me and within.
It is amazing how no matter how "bad boy" I feel, when the dust settles, I'm always staring the "spiritual me" directly in the eyes. I am constantly reminded that no matter how thin I spread the connection from my end, it always seems to grow thicker when I look at again.
As I mentioned, I've been going through some changes within me. I'll admit it, I've been acting desperate..acting needy and doing and saying a lot of things that stem from that desperation and neediness. This desperation and neediness feels like such a natural thing.....when you're in "need" of something. Then randomization spreads over my thoughts from one thing to another and it dawns on me that I don't know what or how to feel at this point.
There are so many plaguing emotions and thoughts to front....the constant workload and responsibility of my studies, managing my household and financial resources as it is relative to such, taking care of me, dealing with me, being with me, soothing me...it being only me. It's not easy doing any of those things. There's so much depending on me, it seems. So the things that once worked, no longer do. There's a bigger picture trying to shine through, thus said my spirit and because I didn't/don't fully recognize "the call", I identify it as a disturbance making me imbalanced and causing me to keep trying to fill a void from something that's trying to come to me, already complete.
Then this song came through my shuffle....
That's it. What is this thing within me? Is this the making of something great? Am I in the makings of being someone great? Did all of the other "greats", as we've deemed them, gone through this same thing?
Or
Is this all me? Is this just for G? So, I petition.....show me the desires of my heart. Yes, I know that I have my hopes and dreams, I know that I've been single all my life and lonely and depressed more often than not lately because of it but...show me. Yes, my responsibility is increasing but...show me. Yes, I see all of these different roads and avenues that could lead to endless possibilities but......show me. Yes, I have more now than I've ever had before but I still petition for you to show me. If you do, then and only then can I be sure.
So, you have the floor.
Then by the end of the song, I began to find out just as she did...the answers for my own heart.
Clarity awaits. No, I don't see it, but I believe on it. It'll unfold.
In what ways can you believe on it in your life today?
