My Explantation

Have you ever heard a song that gave an explanation of something that you had no words to explain? Today is my FIRST day hearing this song that is playing and it hit me. That's my explanation. I've met many people (dating wise) but none seem to have that thing. Then I get the question a lot of "Why are you single?" and I give the answer, "I'm single by choice.."

A big part of that is true but the last situation, which was over a year ago, released me by circumstance....for whatever reason "he" didn't want it anymore. Now I find myself looking at the many people who have tried with boredom. I've met some really good people but they just didn't have that thing...the "it" factor. I've gotta be honest, I don't think my heart will "move" again until I meet someone who is the equivalent or better than "him". Until then, this song will prove to be my "explanation" of why I'm still single.

I know this song is heavy and on the low side but I'm OWNING my emotions.

"But when I'm with him...ain't nobody else like it..."

Have you ever been there? Are you there?

Real talk..

The War Cry

I'm sure many of you have already heard this new tune that's playing. It's the new single from Monica titled "Still Standing". Words can't even describe how much I'm living in this song right now. I've wanted to get my hands on it since it was featured on her show that aired here in Atlanta. It's like this song could not have been made available to me at a better time. I know that I've been posting back to back with those last posts but the truth of the matter is that I'm really full. I'm full, full, full. In between yesterday and today, I've felt myself being lessened from fullness and in humbleness. Even as I type this, this song just embodies what I'm feeling at the moment as I yet continue to push.

"See this is more than just a song to me.." sums it up...


Great record here though.

Ain't Nobody G BUT G

It is such a great day for me. I woke up early, went to my ortho appointment, left there and had lunch and now back at home about to continue with my studies for school. The part of my day that really spawned this post was a conversation I had with my cousin on my way from lunch.

I'm a person who talks to himself. No..I really talk to myself as if I'm having a conversation with another individual. In many ways it is very therapeutic for me because instead of my thoughts being bounce around from one corner of my mind to the next, it allows me to actually hear what's going on with me from me. Anyway, my cousin and I were having the conversation about knowing who we are and being who we are. Now, I've had this conversation with myself many times and I think that I have done a good job paying close attention to myself and learning more about myself as I forever grow and evolve. The thing though, and I am speaking from my perspective, I think that many forget to remember themselves after awhile. After we've chanted the mantra "Take Me As I Am!" and sung the song and lived in it and stood in it..somehow that day when we stopped chanting it for what was only supposed to be 10 min, retired the song for a day, removed our life from it for a moment or stepped out of it just for that one second, it somehow slipped to the back of the shelf as things constantly came in. I know that this is something that I truly happened to me. I forgot to remember myself. That phone conversation brought it all back home and I was just like.."Wow..I actually forgot to myself." The good thing is that now I'm on the road to get it back on track.

After my last post, I really began to analyze what I posted and the way that I see things. At first I said to myself, "Maybe you shouldn't have made such a post. It didn't reflect the very best of you." I thought about it some more and then it came to me as clear as a bell. That was ME. That was my venting session. That was what I was feeling at the time and to an extent still feel. Then the realization of why I felt this way came forth. The way that I express myself, the way that I see the world has all been shaped and molded from the way that I was raised and the environment in which I was raised. My cousin and I say all the time how hard it is to remove the negative residue of where you come from, especially when that residue comes in the form of family members. That's not exactly something that you can rid yourself of such as the tossing of a piece of paper. I always knew on some level subconsciously that these things factored into why I am the way I am now but never took the time to truly own it. I look at individuals whom I've encountered who grew up in very different places, around very different type people and I notice how we differ. We may have the same overall goals in common but the elements of the journey towards those goals are where we differ the most. We are just different people from different elements and I respect that.

This past weekend I was with a few friends having an enjoyable time chit-chatting. They all had their drinks and I had my signature non-alcoholic beverage. It's always so funny to me because they always tease me about not drinking and I tease back about peer-pressure. One guy at the table who was sitting next to me and whom I did not know got into a little side discussion with me about why I don't drink and for the first time I actually elaborated to him all of why I'm not a drinker. I basically explained that aside from me not having the taste for it, I grew up around a lot of excessive drinking and I never personally felt like it was a habit that I wanted to adopt so I held true to that standard for myself. He said..."Oh ok. I understand." And it felt good because I owned it. That example immediately came to me as my cousin and I were talking today.

The moral of this post is this, today is a day that I remember to remember myself and all of who I am as a person. I own it all today and it feels good because I'm truly at a point in my life where I can take it or leave it and that is also my style in my offerings of "me" to others. I've gotta be honest, I love the hell out of being who I have become, being who I am and who I'm becoming. It took so much prayer, trials, growth and work to get to where I am right now with myself. That's why I was so passionate in my last post with all the venting because anything that I perceive as a threat to my destiny and my full potential is no good and it has to be removed from my system. I am such a blessed young man and I love life but when I make such heavy posts, it is not to wallow in sorrow and mess but it's just me telling my story from the position in which I stand in the world. Stories change, characters change, seasons change. I'm opening myself up for this next change. I respect myself and I accept myself as well as I respect others but I ONLY accept others up until the point where it affects me negatively in any way. You know why? Because I've got that right!

Happy Monday! Do you!

Somethin' Somewhere...

The song that's playing is a new tune that I felt from the first time I heard it. I caught it in the middle of the chorus..."Somethin's gonna have to give!". The song is aimed at political issues as they are relative to those that it affects the most which seems to be most of us from the middle class(what's left of it) on down. I love this message and I can feel it with every beat and word of this song. But the words "Somethin's gonna have to give.." rings a bell in my own life, even further than politically.

Have you ever been at a point in your life where everything within you is calling for change? I'm not talking about just getting to the next level but getting to the next dimension of levels. A place where you are fed up with everyday issues that have seemingly placed their gears in "Park" right over your life? Let's be real, not all of these issues are caused by others. Many of these issues are from our own foolishness and self-inflicted. I woke up this morning tired. I mean really tired of the routine. Somethin' somewhere is gon' have to give.

When I think about my life and where I feel like I have yet to go, it gets really exciting for me. All it takes is a thought and I can rise to cloud 9. However, lately things haven't been so cut and dry. It feels like there has been obstruction and impediments left and right in my life. I can't sit here and blame it all on other people although there have been contributions of the such by others. I blame 90 to 95% of this current imbalance on myself for allowing the foolishness to come in on me. Somethin' has to go...somethin's gotta give.

Even as I type this post, I can feel the tightness and heaviness of this matter. I'm just going to put it out there. I have enough to worry about in my own life. I can no longer carry other people's mess with me. I know this has probably been preached in a previous post but somethin's truly gonna have to give. I can no longer handle being a part of draining things and people. All of these things that don't leave me feeling empowered have to go. All of these people that don't leave me feeling like a better person when we depart, have to go.

Where is this all coming from? This was a long time coming. My cup was already full and just sitting under the faucet. The drop the caused the overflow came through the form of a text message from a selfish person trying to drain me of my power before I even opened my eyes from my own sleep. I'm sitting here stressin' to pass these classes and finish school, stressin' to find a job, trying to get myself together for the bigger pictures of life so I can actually get something out it and here comes someone draining me of the energy God gave me overnight to deal another day.

Maybe this is selfish of me to post but oh well! I'll end with this. I've grown into a person who realizes how serious life truly is. Yes, it's good to enjoy it and live everyday as your last, enjoying all the simple things as well as the big things but don't fool yourself. There has to come a time when you grow up and truly fight to gain that balance to promote that healthy living. It's easy to minimize the issues of life when the storm cloud isn't over your house but this is for those of us who are truly in the upward battle for a better place in life. Keep pushin' and we'll get there. Prayer is a powerful thing!

I'm just sayin'...somethin's gonna have to give!

My Wish List for August

I must say that I have really been in a "wanting" mood lately. It is absolutely insane! Here are a few items that I've been feeling lately.

DC18 Dyson Slim Retail Price: $469

Yes! I would not stop until I had one of these vacuums in my possession. Since I've had it, it's been a field day on my carpet. I love it. It works wonders. Even if I vacuum everyday, it always seems to pick up something new. Who knew that carpet held so much....stuff? I'll admit, this machine is a little pricey and it's kinda small but Dyson really delivered on their promise with this one. I'd highly recommend it.

LG Voyager Retail price (directly from LG): $409

This is my new phone that I am so in love with. It is offered through the Verizon Wireless network. Of course, its price is a lot cheaper going through Verizon Wireless so that $409.00 even surprised me that LG is actually trying to sell it directly for that, but oh well. When I chose this phone, I was so overdue for a new phone and I got tired of everyone else having the funky phones and me have something that was so....2006ish. So I wanted something that had the likeness of an iPhone but on the Verizon network and this fit the bill. I text a lot so being able to have my touch screen on the exterior and flip it open to do my texting gave me the best of both worlds. Love, love love this phone!

Tiffany 1837 Tag Pendant Retail Price: $ 250

This necklace has been a part of my "wantings" lately. I really look forward to putting this around my neck. In addition to it being a Tiffany & Co. piece of course, I think this item is simple, clean and neutral and at the same time classy for a guy. I think it's going to achieve that look that I like when I wear certain necklaces.....you know...giving my neck that dainty look. LOL Don't hate!

Tiffany 1837 I.D. Bracelet Retail Price: $475

Wouldn't it just be lovely to pair this bracelet with that necklace? I mean, what can I say? I want it! This is another neutral piece in my opinion. I can see this being one of those everyday items and not to mention making my wrist look...come on...say it with me....."dainty". LOL

Mark Nason Cowboy Boots Retail Price: $385

These boots just scream my name! Pair these with some fancy jeans and you've got yourself a "get-up". I haven't seen many boots with the likeness of these boots in the past couple years that I've been into like that but these boots speak to me. I'd just hope that they have a narrow cut to them because I don't do bulky.

BMW 335xi Coupe MSRP: $43,000

I've been admiring this car for awhile now and I would so love to go into the fall/winter in this vehicle. This is a BAD car. That MSRP makes the car seem more obtainable but you wouldn't easily find a 335xi at that price. By the time options and packages are added, nothing less than $50k is expected. Umm...I can smell that new leather now! (Speaking it into existence!)

That's all folks!